So, I’ve been spending this weekend launching a Patreon page as well as launching the book project YouTube Channel, and also revising the business plan and creating the first draft of my Grad school essay and…
All of these things, I’ve needed to do for a while now, and it felt really good to finally check them off the list, but something I’d stumbled across several weeks ago keeps coming up for me…what am I doing so that I can sustain all of these projects and sites and pages and greater connectivity and all the things that I’m trying to establish to be able to finally afford to be able to not only launch this book project, but also successfully promote it and establish the foundation for my writing career beyond this book project?
Well, something you should know about me: I tend to thrive on chaos. By which I really mean, I tend to find myself trying to occupy my time and my mind as much as possible, because in reality, I don’t do well with boredom or idle time, and I’m much better as a person when I can be intentional about my downtime, and when I can plan my time.
So, while trying to get this book published and launched and then also trying to start a business so hopefully I can sustain and grow my connection and support of other artists and writers, there has been an endless supply of things to occupy myself with, which has been good and bad.
However, if I wish to continue at being a decent person, who can continue to maintain my day job and start grad school and still be a decent husband and father, then that means I’m gonna need to build in some safety nets and curated “me” time, time to just take a walk or take my boys to the park or just sit for five minutes without a laundry list of everything I SHOULD be doing right at that moment running on repeat through my head.
This will be hard for me, but it’s also what I NEED to be able to build into my system, my process and my life. I’ve learned the hard way, being someone in the social services field for all these years, that it’s not enough to just wish or hope for a reprieve from all the world’s demands, but to be intentional about that shit.
Also, what I am doing and sharing and attempting to get out there into the world is heavy shit, MY heavy shit. This creation of mine is all about the ups and downs of my life, and some of the darkest conjurings of of my mind and soul, and while writing and creating these pieces was liberating, it’s also a reopening of the wound each time I come into contact with them.
I imagine it’s probably like that for a lot of you out there as well. It could just be the dark and heavy matter that I’ve decided to delve into and explore within myself and then share with the whole wide world, but even my happier pieces are steeped in previous times or loves or more innocent parts of my life, which on any given day, could cut just as deeply as my heaviest stuff, if for no other reason, nostalgia and longing for that ‘first-love’ feeling again.
So, all this to say, I need to build in some parameters and leeway for myself while I’m building up and out.
I wish I could just say that I’m just going to start running again or eating healthier, but if I’m gonna try to build something that could potentially last for the rest of my life, be it 10 or 20 or 50 more years, that’s gonna require me trying a few things out, discovering what works and doesn’t work for me, and getting into a good routine, and then doing the whole search and discovery process all over again in 6-8 months, because I get bored easily and while I like being able to anticipate my day, I also don’t like being stuck doing the same things day after day after day.
So, while I am trying to figure out what self-care means as someone who writes or creates written content all the goddamn time, in both my professional and personal life, I encourage you to work on your own self-care needs and techniques as well. What are you doing currently to take care of yourself? what do you think you need to do to recharge and step away from it all for just a little while so what you are doing doesn’t become the bane of your existence?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas and suggestions.
Also, I was able to attack and whittle away at the massive to-do list thanks to my dear friend Anh for opening up her home to me for this weekend, which has allowed me the focus and time/space to finally buckle down and do all these things, and then some, like sleep without a child’s elbow or knee in my back all night.
See? one of the things I know I need more of is quick and simple weekend retreats so that I can focus and work and dream or just veg out. There, that’s a self-care thing that I will be keeping around going forward 🙂